so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
