It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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