i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
