It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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