I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
