i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
