where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
