i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
