wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
