we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
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