I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I look better un-naked...
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
