I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
