Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
