Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
