ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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