Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize
