i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
