come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
