How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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