Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
