Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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