The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
