Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
she told me i tasted like america
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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