Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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