He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
