my phone needs a breathalizer
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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