We got so high we made milksteak
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
