I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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