You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
