There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Randomize
