I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
