I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
