No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
