Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
