God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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