turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
