Rock
Scissors
Fuck
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
