I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
