Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
