i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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