If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
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