I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
