also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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