...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
