Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
