What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
