hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
