why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
