Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
