R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
