He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
