Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
