Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
